Random Notebook stuff

Sometimes memories fade
and we don't quite know when it was--it last Christmas?
Maybe the one before

Cookie crumbs stuck to fingers
and stomachs full of false hope
and the new feel of disappointment
coursing through your body

The realization again
that once the family leaves
and even when they were there
you
were all alone.

Visited only by
that urge...
that feeling you had
wanting--NEEDING to strip from the artificial happiness
woven in Christmas clothes

into the vulnerability of you--just you
and that pen and pad because
you always preferred a mirror you could throw away.

And do you remember the sound of the water
rushing into the tub
the caress of its warmth
tricked you--

Stepped in
and
the red flowers floated
like clouds
you watched them flutter and flitter
until the water sank your
scarlet inhibitions

those red friends left you for the drain--
Again

Here you are.
sitting there, alone
naked,
covered in yourself
forever fading away.

You couldn't understand what the point was.
No one would care
so why give them the trouble
of obligational sadness?

You lifted a stained hand
dripping wet with mediocracy
to turn off the bath.
Dry
and go to bed

just like you had done so many times before.
thinking about the cookies you'd eat the next day
and the awful look your mother would give you
before you reunited with the ground

knowing the danger in their worth
you'd eat them anyway
It's Christmas tradition.

And when winter break ends, and you go to school
to tell someone you love
of your night.
they shrug.
you shrug;
they'd never even feel the obligational sadness.

So the scars must break open that day.

Birthday Book List

My blog has been really listy as of late...But this is I assure THE LAST LIST

So my birthday is coming up in *cough* 15 days *cough* and people have been asking me what I want...so I developed a book list (I'm a nerd...and Reynold piqued my interest in some ish) I'm trying to revamp my library

1. Love in the Time of Cholera- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

• One Hundred Years of Solitude
• Memory of my Melancholy Whores (the man is sick wtff look at the title!)
• Of Love and Other Demons
• The Autumn of a Patriarch
• News of a Kidnapping

2. Live for a Living- Buddy Wakefield
3. Pole Dancing to Gospel Hymns - Andrea Gibson (might cop this before the bday though...pure fire)
4. For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/when the Rainbow Is Enuf: A Choreopoem- Ntozake Shange
5. Lowboy- John Wray

That's All I promise lol

THE LAST LIST

Spring Break coming to a close :(

so...Spring Break is drawing to a close after an EPIC 2.5 week run!

Results:

1. Offered publication!
2. Birthday is in 15 Days! (currently creating a book list of gifts)
3. Competed in Urban Word Semifinals...didnt make it...but I'm actually REALLY okay with that =)
4. Bonded with friends
5. Worked on t-shirts
6. Got some potential dates ;)
7. Grew in self actualization and came to know myself better
8. found some happiness!
9. cleansed myself of certain young people..
10. Learned to be more outgoing, blunt, and to respect my own feelings and self 1st and foremost

Pretty good break I'd say...I just...don't wanna go back to school

Judgement Day

This is it...My last few hours of practices before judgment day. My semifinal
just so happens to be the LAST and most packed of the round it seems...but I'm confident I will impress myself and friends...I'm proud of myself already so yea...


I just keep reminding myself:

Who is the judge?
The judge is God.
Why is he God?
Because he decides who wins or loses. Not my opponeent.
Who is your opponent?
He does not exist.
Why does he not exist?
Because he is a mere dissenting voice of the truth I speak! -The Great Debaters

And promise to do my very best! =)

I mean...I've made it this far

Springtime is the BEST TIME

Okay so the spring has been floating on by pretty nicely:

1. I finally met with my cohorts and got cracking on our t-shirt business! (about damn time!)
2. I was featured on the iLL-Lit website (a lovely boost of confidence) and didn't win a scholarship :( ...but someone wants to publish me in an anthology! (I'll check into the legitimacy before I sign over any rights...)
   
3. I read a GREAT book today called yo! and started another one called Moral Minds: How nature developed universal sense of right and wrong
   
4. *serious note* I've been (secretly) trying to ween myself off of my heart medication for fear I might grow immune and have to restart medicine trials and end up getting surgery *gasp* and...so far so good :) no sharp pains, passing out, lightheadedness I'm chill!
   
5. spending QT with the people I love!
6. NO SCHOOL!
7. I've had so much time to think about the direction my life is going and like I've said in previous posts I'm sincerly happy :)

now if my lovelife would pick up...there are some options! woop woop options

Springtime is the best time! spring oh9 is looking fine!

Watch out Soulja Boi!

Wow

I think this is the funniest thing I've seen in a while.



misogyny is a problem lol but Poets are coming to the rescue!

watch out Soulja Boy! and Diddy for that Matter....POB is coming haha

How to be smooth 1-0-1 with Phillipe aka el UNiCO

Me (7:10:48 PM): heyyy teach me how 2 be smooth

Phillipe (7:17:10 PM): smooth like how? lol

Me (7:24:44 PM): like a babys bottom lip

Me (7:24:49 PM): panties to the flo'

Me (7:24:50 PM): silllk

Me (7:24:52 PM): suaaavae

Phillipe (7:32:07 PM): lmaaaoo!!!

Phillipe (7:32:20 PM): umm lets see what you need to know to be smooth.

Me (7:32:44 PM): okay im taking notes *pulls out notepad*

Phillipe (7:33:56 PM): you neeed to have the mindset that no one's smoother than you.

Me (7:35:43 PM): right

Phillipe (7:37:30 PM): okay step 2.

Me (7:38:03 PM): mhm

Phillipe (7:38:13 PM): never admit you're wrong. but also never say things that people can misinterpret

Phillipe (7:38:22 PM): example:

Phillipe (7:39:12 PM): don't say "i have $10,000,000 in the bank" instead say, "my paper game is proper." or "my money long"

Phillipe (7:39:17 PM): lmao

Phillipe (7:39:27 PM): and step 3.

Phillipe (7:39:33 PM): when in doubt - blame it on the alcohol

and That ladies and gents is how to be smooth. Go forth and change the world with your sexaay tendencies ;)

Stirring my thoughts

I was listening to...what now wouldn't be a NEW song today:

Kanye's Say you will

But I had the craziest emotional reaction to it and I started to tear and I just got a sick idea of how to tweak a piece for my semifinal...so I guess the end result of this is


To be continued...

I made a debut? what?

Woah...words are powerful =)!

I'm making a guest appearance on the website of my favorite poetry conglomerate

Who said networking pick it up!

A Needed Revival of an admiration!

Spring 2009 is actually proving it's going to be the BEST SPRING EVER!

For Starters I got my first SAT over and done with = SCORE (no pun intended)

2nd I DONT HAVE SCHOOL muahahah! well placed spring break mmt VERY conducive to my sanity
3rd this is is such a spiritual cocoon sort of time for me.
I've been coming to terms with changes in my life and have finally stopped fighting it. I'm happy. Legitimately so for the first time in a long time and it's because I understand what's going on and accept my say so or lack thereof in my life's happenings. There's been a beautiful positive energy shift in my life I think it came with the hour change.

4th UDUB SEMIFINALS/FINALS which if not sucess for myself will be for one of the MANY BRILLIANT AND TALENTED PEOPLE I'm blessed to share a building with! I just love going! (I have a passion for words and people who respect their power)

Then junior retreat! aka NO REAL CLASSES muahahah

and most importantly the WHOLE REASON FOR THIS BLOG POST
introducing 2 people:

Patrick Rosal & Ruby Veridiano-Ching












Patrick Rosal is one the dopest wordsmiths I HAVE EVER ENCOUNTERED and he is teaching a spring workshop at URBAN WORD! ahhhh ( I highly recommend you pick up a copy of his 1st book btdubbs Uprock Headspin Scramble and Dive SO SICCKKK)

Miss Universe herself Ruby Veridiano-Ching one fourth of the spoken word poetry quartet iLL-Literacy (part of my screename...yes I'm ashamed) and the only female in the crew! She recently released her 1st poetry book entitled Miss Universe (it too is SOOOO DOPE) and is starting her book tour on the EAST COAST (MY IDOL) shes always possibly moving into NYC!

YES THIS IS WHAT I NEED IN MY LIFE. NEW FILIPINO PEOPLE and poets at that woop wooop PINAY POETS IN SPRING 09! (I have a thing for asian people especially filipino people ie SOREAL CRU)

P.S. MY BIRTHDAY IS NOW IN 26 days! APRIL 13th! AND IM GOING TO PLAY LASER TAG
(lemme know if you wanna join it will be a blast)

Yellow Lindsay Lohan

These are confessions of a Teenage drama queen:

We stopped talking because
I
decided my words were too precious
to waste on you
but I shed
a thousand tears
ripped through the
c section of my eyelids
gave birth to
comfort for your lie--

lasted one plus
the year
I met you--
you were an award winning actress.

Bio:
As a child its easier to play pretend
that you had a struggle
with identity
and you hated your father who just loved to
love
so you tried to be everything you weren't
because "spanish" chicks get more dubs
more phone numbers,
attention;
you never had the talent to compete with the competition

but I must admit I fell for the apparent trap
and got captivated with your tragedy.

Remember our jokes?
You'd laugh that weird laugh
something just short of a chuckle
no
it was more evil
a cackle--
hid curdling malice brewed in the pit of
insecurities
but

its not about you anymore
because the clock
reads about an hour forty five
since my ticket to your heart was refunded
the lights are on and I can see you
are nothing more than
a yellow lindsay lohan

that can't be sent to rehab for a personality disorder

cuz there's no cure for self hatred,
fire extinguishers for burnt bridges,
there's no bitch be gone
and duane reade ran out of hoe remover so

Here

as a token of appreciation
I picked up some band-aids for
your lies
you can't speak spanish and
you will ALWAYS have chinky eyes

siempre eres una chyna chica--

Get a clue mean girl.
Your limelight is fading.
Time to clap it up
the credits are un-rolling
your fabricated life size storyline

was
the worst movie I've ever seen

xoxo- your biggest fan

I'm so ready

1. SATs (BRING THEM ON)
2. UYE MEETING (Everyone should go to leadership camp)
3. Spring Break (FUCK YES)
4. Urban Word Semi-finals at the Nuyo (2nd times the charm)

I must expand on this:
I have made it to the semi-finals and for me that is a HUGE accomplishment.
I'm beyond estactic and proud of myself and my growth. Now that I've come this far, I'm ready to do MY best. Whatever that means and wherever that takes me be it the finals or back home lol. I'm so excited about this environment its gonna be a blast!
come and and see it if you can!

5. Junior Retreat
6. Easter/MY BIRTHDAY oot oot 17th

EASTER IS THE BEST

Observations..

Today
Rain drops pelted pavements
frosted over with snow-
glazed train tracks
delayed destinations.
So
nightfall's
starlight cascaded
on lost soul's hearts
cried for redemption
disgusted by the scent of past deeds
burning under the moonlight.

Music broke language barriers
flooding eardrums with sweet sounds
of childhood's embrace.
Ripped jeans carried tears
dropped with change into
a cup of silenced screams
you'd hear If only no one was thirsty

Cars' exhaust mugged lungs
throwing oxygen to the wind
they jumped curbs
spitting puddles at tourists' memories.
Their poison seeped through
carelessly fashioned coats, scarves, and gloves
chilling bones.
A cold shoulder is universal.

Sparing Change for Spring

I've been in a really great mood lately...and drama seems to be trying to bring me down. Particularly in the form of people my heart's been trying to ignore but...I'm done.

I have no change to spare and need to preserve self comes before all
So since we're no longer one.

Time to part ways with the old and make space for the new *breathes*

AND BESIDES!

Spring is coming...I'm a flower whose been waiting ALL WINTER to bloom!
It's go time!

Renaissance

I have begun my blog anew to match the new feeling of positivity surging through my life as of late.
Cheers to '09-2010!

:)